I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
