You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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