Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
