I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
well you can't waste a boner
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
