she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
