he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
