Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just pee around me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
