Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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