I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
tequila makes me forget i have legs
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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