i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
