I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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