it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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