Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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