somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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