I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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