I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize