I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
