im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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