Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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