I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
