Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
