if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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