And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
