I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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