We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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