She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
