just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
