OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
