I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We're too hungover to prance.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
