Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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