Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize