is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
