Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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