Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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