we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize