I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
