I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
