so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
