I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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