dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
