You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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