turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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