Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Holy sore nipples Batman
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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