I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
