I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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