I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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