I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
