areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
