Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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