i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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