I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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