Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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