She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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