oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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