at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
