I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
