i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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