Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
