you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
