So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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