i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
