at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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