I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
