20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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