I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize